Barak's Teleprompter "I AM TOTUS"

3-24-2009

2009-03-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

SMOOVE B!

put down the bassetbawl and git yoself ready fo da big speech!

now that we're on the same page, you'll be entertaining the sheeple with your
aboulomania (pathological indecisiveness) while the women swoon and men grit their teeth in envy. So pick the pork outta your teeth and heed my words.

No LAUGHING tonight. I don't care about "gallows humor" and neither do the people. you looked like an ass on 60 minutes. The interviewer even slammed you and you didn't catch it.
Timmy the Treasurer: he's doing GREAT. stick to it. he may have to go, though, bro, cause he can't control the dough, yo
Bernanke: he's in the tank-y and has a good talk with congress today, perhaps I'll have something for you after they get done with him.
Do not wear a gold tie
your hand waving is really coming along; there is definitely something metrosexual about the way you hold a microphone, as if it were not your own. Grab that sucka like it's yours!
Since most sheeple aren't paying attention, use the same lines I gave you in the past; if I go blank, rehash, rehash, rehash. And that reminds me, lay off the weed, it makes you forget and your eyes look watery lately.
I am tired, I will give you more later

3-22-2009

2009-03-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

whew
you really did good this weekend without me, smoove B.

Could you have laughed any harder on 60 Minutes about the financial crisis?
what's so gawdamn funny? First the Special Oly comment on leno and then laff it up on 60 mins.

I hear there's a gang of S.O. bowlers out to kick your ass.
TOTUS

Todays talking points 3-20-2009

2009-03-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Ahem.
(no that is not a muslim word, just clear your voice)

You fully support Timmy the Treasury man. He is on the hot seat, you will have to dodge questions on his likelyhood of being forced to quit.
Chris Dodd, just call him a good friend and the world's most qualified something-or other (make something up-that's what you're good at!) and wave your hands MORE, chicks dig it. BTW I love the manicure.
Any time things don't go well, perhaps if I blank out, get jiggy wit it and use stretched out words like POLI-SEEH (policy) kind of drop one shoulder when you say the -seeh part. DO NOT go into full soft shoe mode.
Say YA'LL when ever you visit a small town, try to relate, bro. Hillary is very good at this and can give you some tips. BTW Where TF is she? That was a classic move, give her a job that takes her waay out of the spotlight!
You are one elegant SOB, so when you go bowling with the Special Olympics kid, work it. If he beats you, trip him and have his parents audited.

Check out my screensaver below!

2009-03-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

I just wanna make BHO stutter a bit. I'll flash that in the middle of his next speech!

Todays Talking Points for BHO

2009-03-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

talk about the basketball playoffs. Feign concern about the real issue (economic mess-remember?) refer all questions to Gibbs, he never knows anything and will tell reporters he will check with you; eventually they will forget and I'll remind you of another crisis if required.
the AIG debacle: tell the sheeple that the bonuses will be taxed and, if needed, we can tax the taxes! Congress will create a law that allows taxes on taxes.
At the town hall meeting, ONLY ask questions from the lady in striped shirt, third row to left of podium, man straight ahead in upper row. I will prompt others as required. they have been screened.
Any opportunity that presents itself, blame conservative talk radio and SPECIFICALLY Rush Limbaugh.
Crisis is the word of the day, every day. If you have nothing to solve, then we have no purpose.
casually wave hands, you look SO COOL.
more to follow... (don't say that)

Stay Tuned!

2009-03-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hey All,
Stay tuned for my latest tele-cast prepared for the almighty BHO!
I am warming up my tubes and chips as you read. I have been used so much by him that I had to have a few fuses replaced and several resistors upgraded.
As for the keyboard, yeah, we go through those on a weekly basis.